


So Long, and Thanks for All the Shrimp

by mk_tortie



Category: Sabrina the Teenage Witch (TV)
Genre: Gen, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 10:02:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17041664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mk_tortie/pseuds/mk_tortie
Summary: What if, when Sabrina ran away from her wedding with Aaron, she went somewhere else instead?





	So Long, and Thanks for All the Shrimp

**Author's Note:**

  * For [heyshadybaby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyshadybaby/gifts).



“Never think that _almost_ is good enough for you,” Sabrina tells Aaron. Her gut is twisting and her finger is itching to zap herself out of there, and it’s only when she's running out of the door that the weight she's been carrying for weeks—months—feels like it's been lifted.

“Taxi!” she shouts, the moment she feels the sunshine hit her face. When no taxi miraculously appears (“But that always works in the movies!”) she frowns as a sudden realization hits her. “Wait, what am I doing? I’m a witch!” 

With a zap, the church and the street and the disappointed voices of the guests is whisked away (“300lbs of shrimp doesn't make up for no wedding?” Sabrina mutters. “Ugh, I spend too much time with a cat…”) and replaced by the calming sounds of the sea lapping against a peaceful beach. In the distance, steel drums play a lilting harmony. A gull calls as it flies overhead. And a warlock in an oversized mumu steps towards her.

“Lady, are you sure you came to the right address?” he asks, sceptically, gesturing to her poofy dress. In his other hand, he’s clutching a _very_ sparkly cocktail with two umbrellas and a large slice of pineapple. “This is the Other Realm’s premiere beach spa resort, La Costa Romanzia! The chapel is three floors up.” He clicks his fingers, and an elevator appears, right there on the sand. It’s large and mostly pink, with a huge and tacky red heart on top. “There you go, you can head on up.”

Sabrina rolls her eyes. “Ugh. Will you people stop trying to make me get married!” She points at herself, zaps, and glares. “There. Happy now?” Her wedding dress is now a bikini, her shoes, flip-flops, and her veil, a pair of shiny red sunglasses. She clicks her fingers, and the elevator disappears. 

The warlock raises an eyebrow. “Another runaway bride? We should rename this place…” He sighs, downs his drink, and hands Sabrina a key. “Well, there you go. Room 73. Settle your tab when you check out,” he turns, his face twisting into a suddenly intense frown, “or we _will_ find you.”

Somewhat confused, Sabrina takes the key. Then she shrugs. “Whatever. Sun, sea, and sand, here I come! And I don't have to talk to anyone who even knows I was going to get married, ever again!” She zaps a towel over one arm, and takes a step towards the beach, then pauses. “But first… a drink.” 

The bar is empty. “Hellooooo?” Sabrina calls. “What's a girl gotta do to get some service here?”

“My dear,” a familiar voice murmurs close to her ear, “you really need to get into the beach vibe. You're sounding totally bridezilla.”

Sabrina shrieks, drops her towel, and looks down. “Salem!! What are you doing here?” 

He’s perched on the bar, wearing a hula skirt and a colourful lei, with a sailor hat perched jauntily between his ears. “This is La Costa Romanzia. Why do you think I'm here?” He takes a sip from the Piña Colada in front of him, then looks up at her. “This place is the ultimate vacation destination for the Other Realm! I used to come here all the time, back in the day…” Dreamily, he looks out to the ocean. “Hilda and I once spent a weekend here testing out dishes for after I took over the world. Those were the days.”

Sabrina takes away his drink and looks at him, sternly. “Cat. I wanted to be alone. Why are you here? Actually, better still, how did you even know _I_ was here?”

Salem snaps out of his reverie and looks at her. “You come here, and the resort has an auto-spell that brings you everything you need for the perfect vacation.” Putting out a paw and pulling the Piña Colada back towards him, he continues: “You came here, and I got zapped here too. Guess that means I'm part of what you need!” He leans into her, his voice taking on a wheedling tone. “So your perfect vacation involves world domination, right?”

Sabrina sits down heavily on a bar stool and lets out an exasperated sigh. “Salem, for the thousandth time, I am not helping you take over the world.” She takes his Piña Colada and takes a sip. “Ew… cat hair!” 

Salem huffs, and steals his drink back. “So what _are_ you going to do then?” he asks, doubtfully. “Take up tuna fishing?…. Please say you're taking up tuna fishing!”

Sabrina sighs, and buries her head in her arms. “I’m staying here, and sitting on the beach, and drinking _cat-hair-free_ cocktails, until nobody in my old life remembers me anymore and I can start again as a new Sabrina with no responsibilities. Who needs college… or family… or friends, anyway, right?”

Salem takes a deep breath, and pushes his drink back towards her. “Look,” he says, fully in advice-mode now. “As much as I would love to stay in this incredible, luxurious beach resort, while away the hours with sun and sand and tropical drinks, relive my days of glory, reconnect with old friends, maybe find someone to convince to return me to my human form and help me find a beautiful woman to share my lonely days with and feed me tuna….” He trails off and begins to sob. “I could have had it all!” He, too, buries his face in his paws.

“See?” Sabrina says, sorrowfully. “We’re doomed if we leave. We’ll just have to stay here and avoid reality. It's the only path to happiness!”

Salem looks at her, hopefully. “You mean, you’d help me become human again?” He stands up, flicks his head, and tosses off his captain’s hat. “Oh, what a day! Forget what I was going to say, I love this new Sabrina!” He jumps from the counter to a stool and onto the floor, his hula skirt rippling. “Wait right here - I have to get prepared!”

As he rushes out of the door, Sabrina stares after him. “Wait a second…. What did I just agree to?” She looks down, to see Salem’s bar tab, which has just appeared next to his empty glass. “And _how many_ of these has he already had? Salem….!” She runs out after him.

—

He sobs when she tells him, of course - that she can't (won't) help him become human, _or_ take over the world. “But we make such a good team!” he says, still trying to convince her. Maybe he realises this is his best ever chance, or he just really thought she would help, this time. Either way, Sabrina finds herself comforting her cat, even though she’s the one that just ran out of her own wedding.

“You’re right,” she says. “And you know what? Forget about soul mates - I don't need some piece of shiny rock to tell me what should happen with my life. I need to work that out for myself, and stop looking for quick and easy answers.”

Salem is sobbing a little less now. “That’s what your aunts were always trying to teach you,” he says. “But quick and easy answers are so… quick and easy!”

Sabrina gives him a stroke. “You know, it’s not just me that needs to work out what my life should be about. I think you do too.” She crouches down beside him, looking him in the eyes. “Whaddya say? Want to go find out together?”

Salem brightens a little. “You mean, like an adventure? With you? Not knowing where we’ll end up, or where the road will take us? The freedom of the wind in my fur, a girl by my side?” He jumps up. “I’m in!”

Sabrina grins. “Let’s do it. So… how about another Piña Colada, to start off with? And you can tell me where we should go first.”

Salem starts to run back to the bar, then pauses. “Could we… start off by picking up that shrimp?”


End file.
